My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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