If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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