so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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