Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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