I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
