I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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