just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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