dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
