i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
