this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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