You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize