I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
