so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
