i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
