I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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