How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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