Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
