So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
