You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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