she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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