I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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