we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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