I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
