I love having hate sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
