Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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