I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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