The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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