WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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