awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
