I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
