I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
