Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think i have herpe
just one?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
