about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
