Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
