they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
