She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
