yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
