So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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