I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
