My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
