Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
