I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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