What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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