Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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