then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
