I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
