Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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