she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
