shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is wine microwaveable?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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