hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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