he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
