i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
