we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
