we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
