All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
