god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
