i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
