Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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