omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
