it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
