We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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