So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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