Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
WAIT YOUāVE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I canāt believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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