A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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