I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
