And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize