oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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